A question from the stars of Bryn and Ku’s Singles Club.

Want Hera’s help? Email your problem to helpme@thespinoff.co.nz

Kia ora Hera,

Bryn and Ku here, stars of Bryn and Ku’s Singles Club. We are both huge fans of your work, so thanks heaps for sharing some of your wisdom with us.

Here’s the thing…we both have family weddings to attend this month and would love your thoughts on how to not feel SO single at these kinds of events. We are both proud to be single (at the moment, this fluctuates, obvs) but there is something about a wedding that just highlights all the bad stuff about single life and leaves us feeling like outsiders. 

Classic examples include: 

• Aunties asking the age old “sooooo have you met anyone recently?”
• Anyone at all asking about our reproductive organs/plans/feelings about having children
• Anyone at all saying “this will be youuuuuu soon” 
• Being seated next to the only other single person at the wedding
• People trying to set you up DURING the wedding

We both love to fight for singles’ rights and want to change people’s perception of something being “wrong” with us for not having found love yet. 

Any help you can give us is hugely appreciated.

Love always,

Bryn and Ku

Dear Bryn and Ku,

I watched the first episode of Singles Club this week, and I am already a diehard fan and can’t wait to watch along as you boldly showcase your superior Jenga skills and scandalous rodent murders to the nation. I hope you both find a singles night organiser who sets your hearts alight. 

I know a lot of people who are perpetually single, and the thing that appears to set them apart from serial monogamists is, as far as I can tell, having standards. While the rest of us spent our 20s embarking on thwarted love affairs with the single-minded dedication and refined palette of a labrador trying to eat a dropped hot dog at a busy New York intersection, others were out developing rich inner lives. 

I am a die-hard romantic, and will always be delighted to hear that someone I care about is embarking on a whirlwind romance. But I’m equally delighted to hear someone I care about has broken up with their disappointing partner. It’s a mystery why some people still pretend that being in a relationship is an unequivocal good, and trot it out with the grim determination of someone prescribing pitted prunes for bowel health. Surely we’ve all had enough bad dating experiences to know that it’s a million times preferable to be single than it is to be in a mediocre or bad relationship. It’s also galling to be the recipient of unsolicited dating advice from people with dubious credentials, especially when it’s public knowledge their partner has been cheating on them for the entirety of their relationship with the barista at the local Muffin Break, who also inexplicably hates them.

Under ordinary circumstances, fielding these questions is tough. At a wedding, it’s basically impossible. Trying to avoid nosy questions while surrounded by a pack of drunken relatives you don’t necessarily see that often is like trying to wade through an alligator-filled swamp with several raw chickens strapped to your chest. 

That doesn’t mean you have to put up with it. But how you respond to these enquiries depends just how much you like these relatives, and whether or not you’re hoping they leave you something in your will. 

If you’re extremely related to the person getting married (immediate family) you can always bully them into giving you a platonic plus one, which ought to make the entire experience a lot more fun. Otherwise you’re going to have to get creative. 

In an ideal world, nobody besides your doctor or partner should feel comfortable enough to ask you what your reproductive plans are, but this is not an ideal world. You’re well within your rights to tell them to fuck off, or ask for their email so you can fax them your medical records. But if they still don’t take the hint, you could give them a taste of their own medicine and ask them when the last time they got their prostate checked, or where they are on their menopause journey. It probably won’t cure them, but it might cheer you up. 

You’re also welcome to lie. Tell them your husband died in a terrible threshing machine incident, or that sadly, you’ve promised your firstborn to a Germanic imp, in exchange for his assistance in spinning a bunch of straw into gold. 

In a way, I think you guys are in a harder spot than other people because comedians have reputations as oversharers, which means people have fewer boundaries when it comes to telling you insane things about their personal lives or asking you awkward questions. The fact that you’re both starring in a docuseries about dating makes the situation even more intense. Obviously this is not ideal. Just because you’re publicly admired for making jokes about your various emotional vulnerabilities, it doesn’t mean you want to be constantly discussing the situation outside of business hours.  

Maybe the best course of action for avoiding unpleasant conversations and drumming up viewer numbers is to simply lie and say you’ve signed a strict NDA with NZ on Air and are legally unable to talk about the outcome of your show before the final episode has aired. But they’re welcome to tune in every Tuesday, along with the rest of the nation. 

As for what you should do if someone tries to set you up during the wedding? I mean, it kind of depends on how hot they are. There are definitely worse ways to meet people.  

Best of luck! 

Hera